Is Your Past Affecting You? Part-1

Let go of your past! You will never be able to grow in any field if you continue to live under the shadow of your past. Things are changing - You are changing. Your life is improving. It is becoming better. This improvement is happening because you are making a conscious effort.

Like most of us here you probably have an upsetting past. You are probably used to getting rejected and not being wanted as much as you liked. You are probably used to girls giving you less attention, fake numbers or not showing up on dates. But that was your past. Lot has changed since then. You have learnt and put to practice so much material on social skills. (If you haven't then you should start right away.) You are bound to get different more positive experience soon if you haven't already. It just takes one positive experience for your new belief system to start forming and for the old one to shatter.

I see so many students not giving their 100% because they still do not believe in themselves. There is hesitation in their voice, body language and eye contact when they ask a girl on a date or for her number. They hesitate to initiate touching and there is hesitation when they go for the kiss. This hesitation is picked by the woman. This tells her you are not confidant and she backs off. If you do not believe in yourself why should anybody else?

You can also notice guys making similar mistakes when they are in the set or on the phone, email, text and date. They are very focused to be perfect and to ensure they make no mistakes. They shoot routine after routine, follow the training step by step like a robot but still often end up disappointed.

What happens is they try too hard and come across as flawless which tells women that something is wrong. Or they become the entertainer and do not establish harmony so there is no bonding. They do not gauge women's reactions so they miscalibrate.

I will post the solution in my next post.

Taking Short Cut

In our life we often think about taking shortcuts. I was just about to take one myself. I was a little frustrated with certain task related to my business. I wanted to get to the outcome sooner. In last few days I was thinking about accomplishing those tasks and decided that I will take a short cut. I decided to take some measures which I probably would not do or recommend others ordinarily. But because I was frustrated and impatient I was willing to make a compromise. I was willing to compromise my principals.

As always nature came to my rescue. It always does. (Yes I am a firm believer in nature and force.) Out of no where I decided to watch "How To Lose Friends & Alienate People". The movie is about successful people being so unhappy because they compromised their principals to succeed.

I couldn't be reminded of this message at a better time than today. I would have hated myself for the rest of my life had I taken this short cut to success. It suddenly dawned to me that I started coaching because I was tired of people who were compromising their principals and their students' success for personal gains. What difference will there be between me and them if I followed the same path.

Further I also realized that had I started taking short cuts I would have started to become outcome dependent and not enjoy the process. And I realize that I would have stepped on a downward spiral. If you truly want to do some activity in the long run you have to enjoy it in the process and not be outcome dependent.

In fact I teach this all the time. I insist in my book Social Mastery to not to take short cuts. I insist the same in my personal coachings. Had I taken the short cut today I would have never been able to look into someone's eyes said "do not take the short cut".

I am so thankful for I was saved from making this mistake. And as ashamed as I am I needed to blog about this for two reasons:

1. 
   
   Because I wanted to set it in the open that I would never think about taking short cuts again.


2. 
   
   I want all my students and followers of the blog to learn from this as well.

“Try not to become a man of success rather try to become a man of value.”

–Albert Einstein

Calibration

One of the areas that many students struggle is with their calibration. Many students approach sets as if they were blindfolded. They do not pay attention how the target is responding. They are so focused on delivering their routines and demonstrating value that they completely ignore the responses of their target. Sometimes they are too insecure to pay attention because they think what if she does not like what I am saying. Sometimes guys are too focused to prove how alpha and dominating they are. At other times they just want to be the funny guy so they can woo the woman with their charm.

Women pick up on this insecurity real quick. This often leads to sets dying, women walking away, or the set lasting for an hour but without buildup of any sexual tension.

The reason this happens is because students are too focused on practicing how to deliver routines. In their mind mastering perfect delivery of funny routines will get them the woman. This is partially true but there is a bigger fact that most men ignore or do not understand. A big part of the equation is building comfort with the woman you are attracted to. This starts by you feeling comfortable around beautiful woman. If you feel comfortable around her she will feel comfortable around you. If she shit tests you and you continue to regurgitate your high value routine you are mis-calibrating. If she is already attracted to you and you keep bringing her value down instead of showing her approval you have mis-calibrated again.

Calibration is timely and appropriate response to woman's action. If she teases you than you tease her back but if she says she loves you and wants to marry you do not tell her to add some color in her hair. A good way to practice calibration is to establish some platonic friendship with women. Now that you do not have to game them you will be responding to appropriately. You will pay attention to their words and sometimes the meaning behind their words. You will use this information to respond to them. Once you master calibration with friends incorporate into your sets and see how well your sets will progress.

Now you do not have to establish platonic friendship with women necessarily to master calibration. You can of course practice this in your sets but make sure you don't get too nervous, conscious or stressed when you are doing a set. Practicing calibration requires you are calm so you can listen and respond appropriately. This sometimes is hard for beginner students.

One Year Anniversary!

Today the day of Christmas is also the day Social Skills Institute was born! I had registered the domain exactly one year back on December 25, 2007. I did not even realize it until few weeks back when I was managing my domains.

It is a happy day for me and to share the happiness I have every downloadable product available for half the price just for today. Go to the product page by clicking here. Then select the product and email me the one you want and I will send you the link to download it for half the price.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Holidays And Happy One Year Anniversary!

When is a set over?

A set is never over till it is over. I see many guys including some gurus who end up leaving the set at the first sign of a negative message. I discuss this in Social Mastery book. Women often give you negative message to see how you handle it. Are you confidant to continue or you will run at the sign of the first negative sign. This is there way to make sure you are truly a confidant guy and not some poser. This is also good news for you because this means she is starting to notice your traits and getting attracted to you.

This might sometimes happen right when you approach a woman. You use a canned opener and she busts you. Or she just decides to accuse you to be a player or a playboy. How you react will determine how far you will go with this woman. When a woman accuses you or catches you in the act. Be a man confess it, laugh at it and continue. Don't run, don't fidget and don't shake.

Few months back one of my student had to face the same situation. He opened a set and she just got opened with the same opener. I jumped into the set and handled the situation by confessing that yes it was a canned opener. I continued by saying " even if it was a cheesy, corny or over used line, I am still paying you a compliment. so need to be upset. It is not easy for us to approach women.". That was it. Everything changed. She apologized for her behavior and started touching me. I can write a book on my experiences where I have seen women turn around in a set after initial negative messages.

Remember you gain nothing by walking out of a set prematurely. Continue and let them walk away. If they are not interested in you they do not have to be around you. A woman who complains about something or gives you a negative message is either trying to test you or hoping you will take an alternate route and get her. Access the situation, use your judgement and respond.

It is never over until it is over.

Today's Women Are Sexually Open Minded

One of the main themes I explore in Social Mastery and in my coaching is that women are as confident as men. Today's woman live their their life to the fullest and desire sex as much as men do. I have posted an article in the archive section which discusses the study which revealed that women are as sexual as men. You can read it here.
Now a new study on myths of cheating reveals a similar theme. The study states:

"While baby-boomer men do cheat more, women in their 20s and 30s have
affairs just as frequently as men their age, according to new research. One
reason: More women are working. When you have a job, you've got more financial freedom, which could make you more comfortable taking a gamble with your
relationship".

You can read the complete article here.
This is another proof that men should not feel uncomfortable when getting sexual with women because most women want sex just as well. There is no need to hide your sexual desires and play games. If you want an open relationship or date multiple women or have sex in the public bathroom chances are she wants it too.

Free Hour Long Video On Kino Escalation!

Did you guys already download the FREE kino escalation video? If you have not you better do it as soon as possible because it won't be free any more as of January 1, 2009.
In this video I discuss how to use kino escalation to seduce women. I also demonstrate multiple kino routines I personally use in the field. This video is super rich in content.
Everyone who downloaded it has really enjoyed it so don't miss the opportunity. Here is a sample clip:

You can download the video here.

Mistakes beginners make while entering in a bar!

I see many beginners making a common mistake when they first enter a bar or any other social venue. They will stop right away look into every woman's eyes to see who responds well. Then they will go to the bar get their drink and start approaching women or not.

This is a very wrong thing to do. You lose value instantly in the eyes of women. This is because your scan almost comes across as approval seeking. You come across insecure. It almost conveys that "If a woman responds well then I will approach". Now I am not suggesting to not to make eye contact with women. Making eye contact is very powerful and you should always do it. I am simply mentioning not to make eye contact with every woman while scanning the venue. It comes across as knocking on every door hoping one will open. This is bad game.

When I enter a bar or any other social value I pause briefly upon entry and scan the environment of the room. I don't make eye contact for I don't care who is there. By pausing I let everyone notice my entry while I scan the room. Make sure you have strong body language at this time. Generally you will notice women and also notice which one is checking you out using your peripheral vision. Then you can either go to the bar and get a drink or start talking to the group most immediate to you. This looks powerful. You have given women time to notice you. You have showed no interest in them so you are there to have a good time and not just get laid. You are not afraid of the crowd and attention for you stop right at a place where everyone can notice you and this not bother you. This shows you are confidant and alpha. After that it seems very natural that you are talking to whoever comes your way and in the process you meet this woman.

I also want to caution that I am not suggesting you be ashamed of your intention to meet women or try to hide it. I am just trying to help you not come across needy.

Hope this helps!

P.S. If you are a beginner I highly recommend you to start talking to the very first group and as many groups as you can. This way you come across social and not prowling for women.

Twitter

Guys I also ended up joining twitter so I can stay in touch with everyone from the road. Meet me on my twitter: http://twitter.com/bestdatingtips

Absence

Sorry I had been absent for a while. I had way too many things going from my uncle's surgery to starting my company. things are starting to settle down and I should be able to post regularly from now on.